No Water

Today, on the way to rec hockey, I asked Billy if he remembered his water bottle. “No,” he said, “I’m trying to train myself to never need water.”



I heard Billy get up in the middle of the night. (His door is conveniently squeaky). He was in the downstairs bathroom clipping his nose hairs. “Why are you clipping your nose hairs at 4 am?” I asked. He replied, “I got up to pee and got distracted.”

Didn’t See That Coming.

Billy and I had been to Chicago for 5 days. Did lots of cool stuff; Billy Joel at Wrigley Field; Bears game @ Soldier Field; White Sox vs. Royals @ Comiskey; deep dish pizza (where he ordered a burger). So he was talking to himself out loud and said, “I wonder what the one thing I enjoyed the best was. Whoa, I didn’t see that question coming.”

Candy Puke

So Billy is on his last days of school which means not structure and parties. (that’s every day really, but more so towards the end of the year). I pick him up at noon and he’s got blue lips – no, he’s not having a heart attack, it’s icing. I ask him how much crap he’s eaten. He says, “You don’t want to know.” If he says he’s had too much…..

So he gets home and promptly throws up a gut-full of sugar. His mom asks if he wants a healthy lunch. Nope. Then he drives his bike to Farmer John’s. He calls me about a mile from home and asks to be picked up because he’s weak. Of course he’s weak. He hasn’t technically eaten since breakfast because his ‘lunch’ is in the toilet. I pick him up and drive him to John’s. He goes in the house and John’s wife makes him a sandwich.

All in a day’s work.

Flat Tire

We were at Falcon Lake. Billy went for a bike ride. He had a walkie talkie with him. He radio’d me and said his bike had a flat. So he walked it back. When he got back to the campsite I asked him what had happened. “Nothing.” he said. “Except that time I drove into a fire hydrant.” That’ll do it.