we’re in toronto – renting a vacation house – and each kid got a bedroom. Billy took the picture off of the white wall as soon as he entered. why did you take it off i asked him. “Because the wall was too bland.” he said.


“average” day

so it was time for a bike ride. the older one wouldn’t let the younger join him in a bike ride because it ‘cramped his style.’ the younger one didn’t want me to join him because it ‘cramped his style.’ (to finish the circle i should have refused to ride with the older one) so we went for separate rides. then the older one gets home from a 20 mile ride and won’t shower until he’s had some time to wind down. but it’s 30 degrees and he’s pretty sweaty, and i won’t let him on furniture. (the irony being that that day before, after his bike ride, we were ready to eat and i told him to wash his hands and he complained vigorously that he couldn’t shower first. meanwhile the younger one was in the bathroom shoving rice cakes down his throat. why? i don’t know. they are 40 calories each and he is 120 lbs dripping wet (at 5’11”). i told him he could have TWENTY of them if he just asked. it’s like sneaking carrot sticks.


So my boys say weird stuff all the time. My oldest was calling a golf course for prices and he asks, “How much to golf for to guys and a cart? About?”  I told him he could probably get an exact price.

The other guy, who’s addicted to anime – which we don’t let him near anymore – always thinks in terms of Japan. “I bet french fries would taste weird to a Japan person.” Or. “I could never learn Japanese, they read from back to front.” (Like that’s the sticking point)

up to date

i haven’t written for a while but i had to tonight.

Bobby was showering outside with a bluetooth speaker on a table listening to Logic – showering seems to be an event.

Billy wanted to golf with a buddy. he told his friend he would drive AND pay for his golf. we said it’s either or.


I heard Billy get up in the middle of the night. (His door is conveniently squeaky). He was in the downstairs bathroom clipping his nose hairs. “Why are you clipping your nose hairs at 4 am?” I asked. He replied, “I got up to pee and got distracted.”